Another Day...

I feel like we are in a little of a holding pattern. Nothing major has changed since yesterday and really since the day before that. Carol is still struggling with sepsis and the DIC is stable/resolved. Her WBC count is still up (but now it's high...14). She is still on the ventilator, but has been starting some of her own breaths, she just hasn't taken any complete breaths on her own yet. Her fingers are still in bad shape and she will likely have to have parts of them amputated at some point. She is still swollen, still minimally responsive (mostly to pain), still has little to no liver or kidney function (although the labs have shown slight improvement) and she still has not made any urine. We were wrong, they have her on dialysis every other day, but that doesn't mean her kidneys are much better. So, we are waiting. We are waiting for the versed to wear off, which could take 2-3 more days. We are waiting to see the level of her brain function. We are hoping that since she is not worse these are good signs, but we just don't know. Philip, his sister and his Dad are all still at her bedside and plan on staying until she is awake.

Please continue to pray for Carol's health and healing. Please continue to pray for her kids and husband and family. To be honest, please pray for me and Derrick (Philip's sister, Tamara's, husband) we are a little at a loss on how to best care for and love our spouses right now. How to not feel selfish for how this is affecting us and how it is hard on us. We know it is worse for them, but we are struggling a little. Please help me to know what to say and do that will best comfort Philip and to have peace. Thanks again everyone. We are so blessed by our family and friends...we can't ever express our gratitude! A sweet dear friend even came over and mowed our lawn for us today because I am useless and don't know how. God is blessing us with our Christian family. I'm so thankful for that.

News

I just got off the phone with Philip and there is finally some good news. Carol's white blood cell count is back in normal range (7), she is now on dialysis only once a day instead of continuously, her DIC has stabilized or stopped all together, AND the staff of the MICU where she is now is MUCH better and has been caring, compassionate and communicating with them! They are getting much more information and feel like they have a much better grasp of the situation.

Although those things are good, she is still very critical and they still have to take it moment by moment, and day by day. Her kidneys and liver are still not functional and she is still on the ventilator. They discontinued her Versed drip, which has been keeping her sedated, and she has not become responsive yet, but it will probably take a while for the medication to work its way out of her system due to the renal failure. If /when she does start to become responsive they are hoping to start weaning her off the ventilator. They are also hoping to get a better grasp on her mental status when the Versed wears off so they can see if the DIC caused any bleeding in her brain that might have caused brain damage. A lot is still up in the air.

We are so glad that she is now being treated with respect and that the communication seems to be open and flowing. We really appreciate this new unit and wish she could have gotten there quicker. They should know more in the morning about her liver, kidney, lung and brain function as the versed wears off. They should also know more about the status of her cancer treatment soon. Please continue to pray for Carol as well as Philip, Tamara and Allen and I will update when I know more. Thank you again to everyone who has e-mailed, left phone messages or comments here. Knowing you are thinking of us and praying for us is HUGE. I'm sorry that I'm not getting back with you all, but taking care of Levi and keeping in touch with Philip seems to take all my energy. Please know how much I/We appreciate you.

Here is another update on Carol. Since I'm in the medical field, I don't know how to say all this in a less graphic way, so please bear with me, or don't read. She is doing worse. She is now bleeding from her nose, mouth, a few sores on her skin and stomach. Her DIC is not better. Her sepsis is "a little better." She has not put out any urine in days. Her kidneys are not functioning. Her liver is still failing. She is severely swollen. She is bald. Her fingers are purple. She has a tennis ball sized hematoma in her neck where the central line was placed. They are consulting all kinds of specialists: nephrology, gastroenterology, a cardiovascular surgeon, etc. Philip said it is one of the most disturbing and upsetting things he has ever seen.

They actually did not have her in the ICU. They had her in the ICU step down unit because there were not enough beds in the ICU. They just finished transferring her to the ICU and we are very hopeful that this will improve the quality of care she is receiving. The staff is continuing to be unfriendly, but they are communicating with the family more, although the family feels the staff is only doing so because they feel cornered by their constant presence. This is INFURIATING me. I am really trying not to hate those people. I'm trying to remember that I'm not there and that I don't know what the staff is feeling or going through. I'm just so mad. HOW could you treat a sweet family whose mother is dying in such a terrible way?! I just want to scream!

I don't really know what to pray for, or what to ask for you all the pray for. I just keep praying over and over that His will be done (and quickly!) and that Carol, Philip, Tamara and Allen can all feel His love and presence around them. That they can have a peace about this. This is how I feel: "we do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express" Romans 8:26.

Thank you for reading. Writing all this down is some what therapeutic for me. We are all still in shock since it has only been 24 days since she was diagnosed with leukemia. I long to be there and to hug my husband. I know it's right for me to be home and give Levi a stress free environment, but I am aching that I'm not at Philip's side. He is being so strong, but I know he is so wounded on the inside.

Bad News

Philip's sister Tamara was finally able to speak with an attending physician today around 1pm. The prognosis is very poor. Not only is Carol still in renal/hepatic/respiratory failure, but she now also has confirmed sepsis and DIC (a severe bleeding disorder). Philip and his sister and Dad will be there soon and I will update more as I find out more. Two things the doctor said that were very concerning were "sometimes there is just nothing more we can do with medicine" and "you should get here as quickly as you can". There is still hope, but the situation is very grim. Please Please Please be praying for my husband and sister-in-law and father-in-law, I'm not sure if they are prepared for what they are about to experience. Please also pray for Carol, for her to have as little pain and discomfort as possible and to feel God's presence. A miracle would be nice.

Flying Out

Just wanted to update that Philip, Tamara and Allen (his sister and Dad) are all flying to Miami today to be with Carol. Tamara is flying from Abilene first and then they are all going together to Miami and will be staying together during their stay. Their return flight is scheduled for Wednesday at this point, but they have tickets they can change if needed.

I don't really have anything new to report on Carol's condition at this time. I would like to ask for a few more specific prayers though. Philip, Tamara and I have all tried to get in touch with someone who was willing to tell us more about Carol's condition and who would be willing to take the time to discuss with us her prognosis and plan of care. Unfortunately we have all been treated rudely by all of the staff (except one intern resident - the one who called at 1 am...but she said "I've only been a doctor for 3 months and I'm not an expert yet). Philip has been hung up on twice and we have been told that they are too busy, or that the other shift of staff should have talked to us. This has been extremely upsetting and frustrating. You can imagine being far away and having a feeling that your Mom is dying and no one will tell you what is going on. We have been told that the other physicians have been given our number and will call us soon so may times with no results (since her admission 3 weeks ago!!!) that we are starting to doubt that the staff care about us or Carol. We have been promised a phone call by an attending once again, that is supposed to happen around 11am today. All this to say please pray for the following things:

The staff of the unit Central 6 at Jackson Memorial Hospital Miami
The staff directly responsible for Carol's care
Carol's physical health
Carol's emotional/spiritual health
Philip, Allen, Tamara and Mark who will be at her bedside for their emotional and spiritual strength
For the family to feel that they and Carol are cared for and included in the plan
For the phone call this morning to be successful

Thank you everyone. All the phone calls and e-mails have been an enormous blessing. It feels good to get this all in writing and we all appreciate your thoughts and prayers.

Urgent Prayer Request

You may remember that Philip's Mom, Carol is fighting acute leukemia right now. She is living in Miami. Philip and his sister went to visit her in Florida two weekends ago (returned to TX on the 17th) and she seemed to be doing well and responding well to her chemo and other treatments. I spoke with her on Tuesday evening and she was feeling very crummy, had a lot of pain and had a high fever.

Philip got a call at about 1am this morning from Carol's Doctor in Miami. She has taken an unexpected turn for the worse and have been moved to the critical care unit (ICU). She has had a fever for about a week (since her first round of chemo ended) from 102-104 and they now think she has sepsis. They have changed her medications and are treating it aggressively, but it hasn't been responding. She is now in kidney and liver failure and has been intubated and placed on a ventilator. She is sedated. Philip's uncle, Mark is going up there early this morning. Her white blood cell count is very low (o.3), but her vitals are being maintained at a stable level. Philip and Tamara are hoping to have a phone conference with the attending physician this morning. The resident that Philip spoke with said that if it were him, he would try to come to see her soon. It isn't sounding very good.

Please pray for Carol and the family. Please specifically pray for Philip, his sister Tamara, his uncle Mark and his Dad, Allen. Please pray for the best care to be given to Carol and for her to have as little pain and discomfort as possible. Pray that she knows how much we all care for her and that her family loves her. It is hard being so far away. Please pray for God's presence to be felt by all of us. I will update more when I know more. We GREATLY appreciate your prayers.

Escape Artist!

Yesterday afternoon I left the room for a minute while Levi was playing and I came back and couldn't find him any where. I walked around the house and all the doors were still shut (I keep all the rooms closed all day because he is so fast, busy and messy). The back and front doors were shut and locked. Penny was laying on her bed....

Then I hear the faint sound of Penny's squeaky ball. It's not coming from inside, it's coming from outside! I look out the window and don't see anything and Penny is right beside me. Hmmm....is Levi outside?!?! I head out the door to see him standing on the grass right in front of the dog door squeezing away on the ball.

I was afraid of this!

Please ignore the dirty dog door...there's just no way to keep it clean, ugh! I did have to shut it too, because he did this over and over. Boy was he proud...Yeesh! I think he has his dad's sense of adventure/risk taking.

5 Years!

This weekend Philip and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary by taking a weekend trip to Hot Springs, Arkansas. We had a WONDERFUL time! Outdoor activities have always been a shared interest and this was a great place to be if you love the outdoors! We stayed in a historic home that was built in 1904 and converted into a bed and breakfast in 1994.

Our two favorite thing about the B&B was the comfy bed and the location (easy walking to downtown!). It was such a short walk to restaurants, art galleries, shops and the bath houses that we hardly ever got in the car. It was so nice and relaxing to just walk, talk and enjoy the beautiful views while stopping in to look at antiques, hand made jewelry or art. If you have ever stayed in a B&B I just have to ask...are they all just full of odd things/collections...we have stayed in 3 and they have all been this way!

We did a lot of good eating, another shared interest, and our favorite meal was at the Hot Springs Brau Haus (German food of course) which was delicious and brought back memories of our trip to Germany over a year ago. We also had some delicious brick oven pizza, ice cream, and seafood.

I think our favorite activity was visiting the Garvan Woodland Gardens, and we would highly recommend going if you are ever in Hot Springs. You should see it for yourself, it's just beautiful and interesting. The gardens were stunning (even though it was an off season for blooming plants). All the amazing bridges and water features were definitely our favorites. We loved that the garden had many levels and different viewpoints. We are planning on going back one day in the spring or fall.

They also have a gorgeous chapel (anyone wanting a destination wedding...you should really consider it!) and the pictures don't do it justice at all...it was breath taking! It was constructed of beautiful natural wood with lots of glass, so you felt like you were in the middle of beautiful trees, with tons of natural light, but it had cool AC :). It was the perfect size, seats 160, so it felt personal without being tiny. The walls were almost all glass and there was quite a bit of glass in the ceiling too. The decor inside was really nice too, it was elegant and fancy while being natural and organic too. Around the corner from the chapel was a really cool bell tower too. We loved it!

When you visit Hot Springs it is a must to experience the bath houses. We decided to bathe at the Buckstaff Baths because it is the most historic bath house and is tied directly into the springs. The water in the springs in 143 degrees as it exits the ground and has a high mineral content. For this reason a lot of people thought/think that it has healing properties and bath in the water to cure their ailments. We enjoyed the experience, and are glad that we chose the Buckstaff, but both admitted it was a little awkward.

You are wrapped in a white sheet, toga style and wear nothing else and they escort you from the different treatments; 105 degree soaking tub - 110 degree sitz bath - 115 to 120 degree hot steam box/sauna - very hot towels wraps - 95 degree needle shower - cooling room - massage. The hot box was very interesting, the close you in with your head exposed and towels around your neck to cover the opening and you sweat like you've never sweat before. My favorite was the massage...best I've ever had (maybe because I was totally relaxed because of all that heat).

This was our first trip away from Levi and the longest by far I have ever been away from him (the 12 hours at work once a week have been the longest). We missed him, and talked about him a lot, but I must say it was really nice to have the freedom of being without a baby to put to bed, nap, pack food for etc. 2 nights was perfect and we were so excited to see him when we got back! He stayed with my parents and then a few hours with Philip's dad and had a ball with his family. He is one loved little guy!

I can't believe it's already been 5 years since we said our vows. Time has really flown by and I must say, I'm proud of us. We aren't perfect and things aren't always easy, but we have worked at our marriage and have always stayed honest with each other and I can really say we love each other more now and are closer than ever. During one of our meals Philip and I were talking about how we are still best friends and that we can't believe all the fun we have had together these last 5 years. We are really looking forward to the next 5, 10, 50 :). I think the thing we are most proud of is our wonderful little son and how much we love him and that our little family is strong as can be. I can't wait to see how we will grow! We weren't really sure what to expect when we planned the trip, but boy are we glad we went! The memories will last a life time and it was really good for us to get away from the stress and relax together! We will be back!

The Simple Things

I seem to hear about a new hurting family all the time recently. Friends, family and co-workers are just going through some hard times and struggling in their relationships. I feel a little bit like my happy bubble is being burst. And with everything that has been going on in our family lately I have been really trying to enjoy all the little everyday, ordinary things that Levi does that are just so wonderful. One of the best things about parenting a one year old is that they help you appreciate all the simple things. Levi is excited about so many things and it just brings me joy to watch him! He doesn't know that the world around us seems to be filled with hurting people, and the innocence is so sweet and refreshing (and distracting!).

Here are a few examples of the beauty of everyday life: naps, playing outside with a stick, wearing your Daddy's boots, eating spaghetti and peas:

He just keeps me smiling and gives me motivation to enjoy all the blessings God has given us! Here are two videos of him loving his little world! Hope you enjoy...I have watched them each several times, even though I can see him every day! Ha!

A little update on Carol (Philip's Mom). She has not received the results from the chromosome studies yet, but has been told her Leukemia is stage M0x. Which is good news. We will know more hopefully by Monday at the latest. Philip and his sister, Tamara, are in Florida with her right now and are working with her to get her the best care she can have and also to work out all the business that goes along with being in the hospital for possibly 2 months. They say she is doing well considering everything and is keeping a positive outlook. She is mainly struggling with fatigue and nausea. Thanks for the prayers and please keep sending them up.

In Need of Prayer

We found out late Thursday night that Philip's Mom, Carol, has Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML). She was immediately admitted to the hospital and they started chemotherapy on Friday at 1am. She will be undergoing chemo for at least 30 days continuously. As it always is with cancer, this was a shock to everyone. Carol is living in Florida and so having her so far away has also been hard on Philip, his sister Tamara and his Dad, Allen, who are all in Texas. Right now we don't have much information on her prognosis. They have run some specialized tests (studies of the chromosomal mutation) and they should know the results on Monday or Tuesday. This will give us a fairly accurate picture of what to expect.

I will be keeping her status updated here and would appreciate your prayers. Pray for her physical healing as well as her emotional and mental strength/healing. Pray that she has the daily support and comfort she will be needing. Pray for Philip, Tamara and Allen. Pray for the strength of their family/relationships. Pray for me. I know God works in amazing ways that we just don't understand, and I am certain something good will come through this trial.

The picture is of Levi getting some snuggles from Grandma when we were in Florida in January. We love you Carol and are thinking of and praying for you very often!

First Scribbles

Today Levi colored for the first time with his new crayons on the paper pad that we got him for his birthday. I just thought he was so cute that I had to document the moment! He was excited to see the lines of color on the page and only nibbled on a few of the crayons ;)! He used both his right and left hand and held the crayons in many different grips. But hey, he got color on the page! I'm saving the beautiful work of art in his baby book. Who knows, maybe some of his Aunts and Uncle Dustin's artistic genes will rub off on him, and it will be a classic. He won't be getting much from his parents!